Trust & Obey

Ten, nine, eight, seven days. Seven days until Welcome Weekend at Judson University. I am so incredibly nervous while simultaneously being so excited I can hardly wait. The ambivalence is rampant inside of me like a ship being shoved by a stormy ocean. I cannot wait to start this new part of my life and to meet all of these new people! On the other hand, it is excruciating leaving my family, leaving what I know. My dad is the pastor of a church and I have been going to that same church for about fifteen years, so the thought of leaving that security is disheartening. As I was singing this last Sunday, I felt tears spring forward onto the rims of my eyes. Next Sunday is it. After that, I won’t be back for a while. It was so heartbreaking to think about leaving the church. Honestly, I have been avoiding thinking about the hard parts of leaving like saying goodbye to my family, to my church, and to my friends. However, I recognize now is the time to think about departing from those things for a spell. I will be back on winter break and spring break, and even my birthday in late September. I’ll see those people again.

This week, I am continuing to pack up for college by boxing things up and purchasing some last-minute items. It’s been difficult to compile such a large list and I have a pervasive feeling that I am forgetting things. Just this Monday, I discovered I hadn’t filled out my housing info somehow so I wasn’t going to be staying on campus! I was told I would be getting my information in early August and I didn’t so I emailed the housing and discovered I hadn’t applied! I was mortified! How had I forgotten? I swear I hadn’t… (Good news, though, yesterday I got my information and I’m all good to go!)

This awful conundrum caused me to doubt all sorts of things. I was feeling very confident a week ago, now I’m not so sure. I find that usually when I’m feeling good is when things might get bumpy real soon. Back in 2019, I was going on a missions trip to Honduras and I remember I was insanely nervous. I almost didn’t go. Despite my fear, I shut my eyes and took the leap. That trip ended up being one of my favorite moments in my teen years. I was so pleased I powered through the stress because that trip was worth the risk. I think this is one of those times too. These are the times that God seems to like to test us most. God likes to make you worry that things won’t happen the way you need them to and then at the last moment they all pan out. Why does it happen that way? I think it’s because God wants me to know that it was Him who made things work, not me. Every day this week has been a new challenge, a new obstacle I have to face, and honestly that has been really difficult for me. The irony of saying this, though, is that each night I have laid my head down on my pillow, nothing has changed. I know everything will fall into place because God gave me this dream so I think He’ll fulfill it. I don’t know what on Earth I’m doing right now, but I do know that whatever happens, in the end, I will be exactly where I need to be.