Trust & Obey

Since August, my entire life has been flipped upside down. I moved out of the house, got thrown into a college, and met hundreds of people in the span of a few days. I was so stressed at the thought of it all but once I got there and said goodbye to my family, I knew it was where I am supposed to be.

Eventually, I have gotten the hang of my classes, my social life, and my sleep schedule, and college is a blast. I am always doing something, always with someone and I had never lived like that before. I was homeschooled from kindergarten until graduating high school which means I’m not used to this level of socializing and things to do. A regular day as a homeschooler is only as busy as you make it! I could read a book, spend some time painting, talk to my mom while she makes dinner with school only taking me four or five hours. Or, I could get schoolwork done ASAP and just hang out the rest of the day. So, college is such a contrast from what I have known my entire existence!

The most complicated thing about returning has been re-adjusting to my previous lifestyle. Life is so different for me that it can be tricky fitting back in at home. I have talked to my friends about this and they couldn’t agree more! Now that I am back on break, it is so nice to be home but it’s also super weird. It’s strange to wake up and have nothing to do. Every day is slow and relaxed. I just hang out. Now it feels so foreign to me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great having a break from everything but it’s hard too. I miss running around and talking to people non-stop. I thought I was an introvert but after this semester, I have found I am far more outgoing than my own preconceived notions! Now that I think about it, every day I would probably talk to thirty people a day. I never was quite sure who I would talk to but that’s what made it exciting!

Another tricky element is how I struggle to relate to people outside of college. My life has moved ahead and so has everyone else’s back home. I now have this whole new cast of people in my life that they don’t know. If you really want to know how I am doing, I have to share tons of names and stories all to set up what’s going on currently in my life. Or, to avoid all of that, you’ll hear: “It’s been good!” It’s complicated to talk to others about my life because it is such a tapestry of information and I’m guessing people don’t want to hear an hour-long recap (I don’t think I would). I have lost a lot of commonalities with people and that’s been frustrating. I grew up in a community with the same people for years so we have all lived life together and now I don’t do life with them anymore.

Over time, I am finding that doing things and making new memories is what is revitalizing these friendships. I was at a Christmas lock-in at my church and it was so good to play games and laugh with friends (and siblings were there too). When I saw those friends after, I felt like our connection was so much better!

I am so happy that everything has changed. I was ready for the transition but with that comes the good and the bad. You can’t control what shifts when you shake things up and that is something I have had to realize. I wouldn’t do anything differently but since returning home, I am seeing the impact of my choices that I didn’t see while I was away. My dream for Christmas break was– and has continued to be– to reconnect with my family and with my friends. Those relationships matter so much to me. Even if I don’t say it all that often, I love them all very much.